Sunday, January 15, 2006

Remember Me

Sometimes lately I have been feeling pretty forgotten. This wife thing and the new role as a mother has in essence become a shroud or veil that covers me up with the successes of my son and husband. It's been a hard adjustment if I were to be honest. My personality wants to break out of it and be noticed. I want to be paid attention to for a while.
During our Saturday night worship service this past weekend I sat silent before God for a few minutes. In that time, I felt God saying to me, " I am here. You are not alone," and I started to cry. I felt comforted instantly. But sure enough that assurance faded and it was back to the background with me, no one there to notice that I even existed for that split second.
Then today, as most days, I sat down at the computer with the looming task of coming up with a blog. I looked over at my bookshelf beside me for inspiration and decided to pick up one of my favorite devotional books entitled Listenning to Your Life by Fredrick Buechner. I turned to the corresponding date of January 16th and this is what I read.

"When you remember me, it means that you have carried something of who I am with you, that I have left some mark of who I am on who you are. It means that you can summon me back to your mind even though countless years and miles may stand between us. It means that if we meet again, you will know me. It means that even after I die, you can still see my face and hear my voice and speak to me in your heart.
For as long as you remember me, I am never entirely lost. When I am feeling most ghost-like, it's your remembering me that helps remind me that I actually exist. When I'm feeling sad, it's my consolation. When Im feeling happy, it's part of why I feel that way.
If you forget me, one of the ways I remember who I am will be gone. If you forget me, part of who I am will be gone.
"Jesus remember me when you come into your kingdom," the good theif said from the cross (Luke 23:42). There are perhaps no more human words in all of Scripture, no prayer we can pray so well."
This is my prayer today, "Jesus, remember me."

3 comments:

Diane Allen said...

Hey Bethany - I was just thinking of you recently and thought I'd stop in to say hi. Thanks for being so real and just saying what's on your heart. Let's catch up some time.
-Diane

MOM said...

Interesting (coincidence??) to read this entry on a day I've been thinking of you ALL day long. Hang in there, sweetie, someday you will have a beautiful, loving, inspiring child like I do as a reward for being his (her) mother. I felt alone a lot but gosh, look at the miraculous result - YOU !!!

Iz said...

Not forgotten at all...I actually think of you often, but have been so stupidly, crazily busy to have not even had time to read your amazing blog (please don't think of it as drudgery...it's a lifeline) in the last month... We have lots to talk about when I see you next. In the meantime...you are far from alone!

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