Thursday, April 27, 2006

The weight of who I am

I've always been comfortable with who I am but a few years ago I fell into a place where other people werent. They were offended, put off, and starting to estrange themselves from me. It all started to make me question everything I knew to be true about myself. I started to question how God made me or if I was not reflecting Him the way I was suppose to. In essence I began to question the goodness of my heart. I was so confused because I knew that at my core I was loving, kind, compassionate and a servant but for some reason people werent able to pick up on those things. Instead the focus became my competitiveness, my choice of speech, and my up-front personality. It was truly a battle for me. I became depressed, withdrawn, and I felt as if I was always walking on eggshells making sure not to offer myself to anyone because they too might not like what they got.

Then God surrounded me with people who accepted me just as I am. In fact they called that forth in me again. They were the epitomy of "come just as you are" without the always attached, "just dont stay that way." There I re-learned that my heart was good. I indeed was reflecting God in exactly the way I was suppose to. That much like Jesus, some people would respond to me and some would not. I was on the mend. I started to believe in "me" again. I started to believe in the glory of God in me, again. It was there all along.

Recently I came across a quote that has helped me in this continuous process of "re-embracing me."

"Let people feel the weight of who you are and let them deal with it."

This is how I want to feel. I have to remember that my report card doesnt come from other people but instead it comes from God. I want to hear Him say that I have pleased Him by my life and through the offerings of my heart. And I know that I wont get that trying to walk on eggshells through life. I must embrace all that is me and live out the glory He has placed within that broken, but effective to some, vessel.

So here I am, letting you feel the weight of who I am and Ill go ahead and let you deal with it.

1 comment:

MOM said...

You are performing for an audience of One - and not the many. We should always compare ourselves to Jesus and not other human beings. I treasure who you are and pray you stay true to how you were made.

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