Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Female Porn

I used to lead a girls mentoring group and one of the topics I brought up was female porn. Sure there are a small percentage of women who struggle with erotic photos or sex videos of men but that isn't what I am referring to. The female porn I feel the need to address is plaguing 100% of women, we just don't recognize it. Before I tell you what this little vice is (and no, it's not shopping fella's) I want to explain how I came upon this realization.

One of the continuing effects of men that struggle with porn is their altered sense of reality. They enter into this world where women want to be sex slaves and cater to their every need. That is attractive, but it's not real. That is why so many men who struggle with porn suck at relationships. They don't know how to maintain one that isn't based around their own selfish desire. They are frightened by the request to meet a woman's needs as well as their own. They can't handle the day to day ups and downs of real communion with women.

With that said, I have found the same effects of female porn in women. Our reality is distorted and we are disappointed when we encounter the REAL thing.

Ok, enough suspense. I believe that the porn 100% of women fall prey to is as close as any book on a nightstand, TV set in the living room or movie theater down the street. They are called "chick flicks" and "romance novels." All of these present a false reality of love and men. Based on these, men are valiant and romantic everyday. Men will always do what is right and they certainly won't embarrass or annoy you. But anyone who is in a covenant marriage (by that I mean not quitting no matter what) knows that this just isn't the case. Men fart, belch, don't flush, and leave their clothes everywhere. They can barely handle taking out the trash. You don't get candles and roses everyday. And women aren't always sexy, skinny, or sassy- we get tired, fat and pissy. That is reality. But I love it. It is what I can count on.

I can remember a time when I allowed female porn to distort my view of my husband. Nathan and I got married just shortly before that loveable MTV reality show "Newlyweds" started to air. The stars of the show were Jessica Simpson and Nick Lache'. We got such a kick out of watching her be such an airhead and him be such a sports nut. After about a year of watching the show I started to get jealous. I wanted a life like theirs. I wanted to do nothing all day, go to the grocery store and buy whatever I felt like getting with no thought of cost, or lay out at some exotic resort for weeks at a time before I had to stand in front of screaming fans longing for more of me! It looked great. Then I snapped. It was an episode when Nick just surprised Jessica with a romantic getaway and he was pulling out all of the stops to display his undying love for her. It was so sweet. During the commercial I barked at Nathan, "How come you never do stuff like that for me?" There it was, female porn rearing it's ugly head again in my heart. Nathan and I ended up having a tiff about it and for hours wouldn't talk to each other.

Looking back I am ashamed at how I acted but I am not the only one. All women, and men, do this to each other. So I realized, that the sooner I stop trying to hold my husband up to this unreachable goal of being a character in a love story, the sooner I will love him more than I ever realized it was possible to love a man. The men in those shows/books/movies are just parts people play, it isn't even the real guys themselves. I'm pretty sure Matthew Mchonahay and Richard Gere fart and belch and frustrate someone daily too. Those are just the scenes they edit out.

My marital reality may not make a popular MTV sitcom but it will leave a legacy of unconditional love in the hearts of our children. Now that is real.

PS Jessica and Nick are now divorced....but are we? NOPE!

1 comment:

Iz said...

Matthew McConauhey doesn't wear deoderant. Hasn't for 20 years. He likes the way BO smells... THAT'S reality!

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