Sunday, July 15, 2007

A fear relieved

If you read my husband's blog then you already know this. If you don't or haven't in a few days, then let me tell you a story of something that has changed in me recently.

All of my life I have wanted to be a songwriter and singer. I love the whole feel of being an "indie" artist where its about the expression instead of the money. It has always been appealing to me to be so vulnerable and yet be able to articulate your deepest struggles and triumphs to an audience through music. In that respect I have always been jealous of my husband. He is an amazing musician, song writer, singer, artist and all of the other things I wish I could be. He is confident in his craft. I, on the other hand, have not ever really been confident in my talents. Don't know that I ever will be but I made a HUGE stride toward it the other night.

It took place when we went to an open mic event at a local coffee shop on Friday night. Our intentions were getting our amazingly talented friend Alex Ruidiaz up to showcase some of his songs. (By the way, he is an incredible writer and singer as well. Watch out world-- he will be a name to know someday soon!) So we all went in, signed him up and then waited for his name to be called. When it was, he approached the stool and mic, plugged his guitar in and then melted the crowd. It was great! He did two songs... which Nathan helped accompany him on the second one. I was so proud of him! People cheered like crazy and just as we suspected, they too were in awe of his gift. For a few minutes afterward we sat around listening to the other local talent taking the stage when my stomach started to turn into knots. I was feeling prompted to grab a guitar and play myself. I tried to talk myself out of it. Usually I am successful. Having lived in Nashville for 5 years prior to this, I have been to many "open mic" events. Never have I participated unless I was doing BGV's (back ground vocals) for a friend. Needless to say, this time something was different. There was another inner voice telling me to do it! This voice was stronger than ever before and the critic in me was getting softer and softer until it was so faint it had no impact on my decision. I grabbed Nathan's guitar, went outside and figured out what in the world I was going to play. I decided on a song that I have been singing since college but I never finished it. I walked back in, Nathan wrote my name down and I was shaking like a leaf. Next thing I knew my name was called and there I was on the stool plugging in myself. I gave a disclaimer to the crowd and off I went. I held nothing back and sang the song stronger and louder than I ever have before. After it was over, the crowd response was intoxicating. I felt so proud of myself. This is something I have feared doing for so many years and I finally conquered my fear. I will never be the same.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good job conquering your fear. I have heard you sing at fbcn and you are wonderful!

DAD said...

Bethany,

I wish I had been there to hear it. Most likely I would be in tears of how proud I was of your talent.

Maybe Nathan could record it and send me a copy???

I have felt the appreciated exhileration from a audience and I understand what you felt, FAR-OUT!"

Can this be checked "oof" your list, now??

Love,
DAD

Amy Phillips said...

wow, awesome I know this is really important too you.I would love to hear it

Orval Osborne said...

Congratulations, Bethany! You conquered your inner critic and listened to your desire to express yourself. I know you have a great singing voice. I wish I could have been there. Thank you for sharing this experience. I will be looking forward to future developments in your life.

Bethany said...

Awesome Bethany- way to go! And of course this just makes me want to hear you now!

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