Thursday, August 30, 2007

Marriage Retreat part 1: The material/notes

Here are some notes of things talked about during the marriage retreat last weekend. Some of the stuff I will leave out b/c it requires a lot of explaining and would sound so shallow if narrowed down into a a sentence or two. There was so much learned by me this past weekend and sharing with you my notes will merely scratch the surface. But at least it will give you an idea of what was taught.

Pictured below are the counselors Joy and Scott Engelman from
Grace Counseling Center .
~ Marriage is about connection. Where there is connection there is life. (Vine and the Branches imagery used here)

~ Marriage is the place where the Gospel of love, forgiveness and grace are lived out like Christ's relationship to The Church.

~ Marriage is 2 people connected at the level of the heart who are on a life long journey together toward God.

~God is in the business of redemption.

~To love is to be mature.

~ We fail our kids either by doing and saying things we should not do or say OR Not doing and not saying things we should do or say.

~Marriage is where God does the work to make us most like Christ.

~Healing is about learning to live while being broken and whole at the same time.

~Romantic Love is God's method of getting you with the person who will motivate the hard work of growth/healing in you.

~God does some of His most powerful work in the "power struggles" of marriage.

~ Do marriage on God's terms, not yours.

~Soul mates are not found, they are made.

~ You don't hear in order to be heard. You hear in order to understand.

~ Hearing will always bring healing.

~ Intentional dialogues are the bridges that take you to the heart of your spouse.

~ Self-preservation is idolatry. You are trusting in something other than God.

~ The reality of a good marriage is that it consists of a constant pattern of connection-rupture-repair.

~ Validation is not agreement. Instead it is making space in your heart for 2 realities to exist.

~ There are 2 energies in which we relate: love or fear.

~ Your core wound is the same as that of your spouse- you just chose to deal with it in opposite ways.

~ What fires together wires together- what messages get attached to wounds revolve.

~ God's plan for marriage is one of priority (leaving) and permanence (cleaving).

~ Hope comes as we put an end to the unconscious divorce. In other words: Energy spent elsewhere that ought to be directed toward your marriage.

~ Infants act out and expect the other to figure out what is wrong with them. It takes maturity to talk about it.

Along with all of this in more depth, we learned some structured dialogues that will help us get past the frustration and into the real issues at a heart level. That is where understanding, empathy and change come.

Like I said before this is just the beginning to all we learned but I know that Nathan and I have been changed and are on a brighter path toward our future together.

Next time I will talk about the people involved. They are what made the weekend an extra blessing!

Stay tuned....

1 comment:

Blake said...


have Nathan send your blog link to Scott.


P.S. Can you send me a copy of your notes if there in microsoft word format?

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