Thursday, June 26, 2008

Self encouragement

My days with Jaxon have been difficult for about 6 months or so now. He has become quite a mouthy, back talking toddler. I guess you could say he is experiencing a late terrible twos because he is 3 (although I hear this stage can go on for years). Anyway it has worn me down on many occasions to the point of tears or having to leave the room because I am so angry. It is a lot harder for me to move on too. One minute he is yelling mean things and hitting me and the next he is hugging me and saying 'I love you' but I am stilling hurt. Anyway, all that to say I have been pretty "down" lately. Not postpartum or anything just worn out and feeling unappreciated. Being that my world predominantly takes place within the walls of my home, there aren't many people around to help carry the load or to speak a kind word. In fact the only one that can talk in this house, other than me, is the main reason I am feeling so bad in the first place (Jaxon that is). Although Jovie's smiles have been known to offer a quick 'pick me up' from time to time.

So I have decided to do something called self-encouragement. From time to time I get cards or letters or emails that really encourage me. They lift me up even if only for a moment. Typically I read them, feel the warmth of the words, and then move on. But not anymore. I am going to start an encouragement folder. When I get notes like these I am going to start collecting them in a folder in my filing cabinet. Then on the days I need a bit of kindness or a reminder that I am more than I feel at the moment, then I will take out the folder and look through the notes. Maybe its vanity but for a person who is feeling so low, it could be a day saver.

PS- My first entry comes from my mom- she wrote me a letter and stuck it into my diaper bag before I left Phoenix. I didn't discover it until I was already in flight. Thanks mom for always being a positive force in my life.

2 comments:

Amanda said...

You can try a very crazy thing I do when feeling this way...laughing. Just start out fake laughing, any kind of silly laughing or whatever. It always makes me laugh at myself. It makes me laugh just imagining myself doing it. So silly. Jaxon will think you've lost it.

Greg said...

Bethany,
My toddlers are 10 and 14 now but I remember that stage very well. They reached the age of 3 and I thought, thank goodness the terrible two's are over - no one warned me that the three's and four's are worse. At 2 they do things to irritate you but don't realize it - at 3 they realize it and do it for that reason.

All I can say is hold your ground and it will be a distant memory soon enough.

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